The 26th … No, I didn’t let it slip away without notice. The Rhythm of my life is now based on a calendar with enlarged 26’s, my day to remember Dean an extra portion . 20 months ago he slipped quietly to heaven, and we are here wondering daily how to make it all work. Well, it is mostly working, sometimes running, sometimes walking with a limp and sometimes sitting to reflect.
As I sit here tonight , smiling, and listen to Josh and his girlfriend giggle softly in the next room, readying myself for eventual sleep, I have this observation .
The world is a lonely place for so many people. We’ve ironically never been better connected and yet never been more lonely . My pastor said last week that the greatest epidemic in this world is loneliness. There are people trying to find their identity in a brand, sports team, store… And reaching out through social media, ( just like me !) to connect , many as a replacement for the real thing . I met a lonely client this week and saw the results of really being alone. I am praying for her, and having been reminded of my own life, I’m rejoicing for the riches of my relationships both horizontal here on earth and vertical with my God.
As a police officer Dean was often lonely because others are awkward socializing with cops. I’m so glad that in the years I was Dean’s friend and then his wife that he grew along with me away from shyness and into a confident man with many, many friends. Yes, his best friends were cops, but not all. I am still astounded at the connections , cards, generosity and love from so many . He would have been stunned. He got an “expert marksman” at ” Aiming for the heart”. That’s what I am trying to focus on . The things that make me smile .. Healthy love is the solution , every way I turn .
There has been an enormous amount of pain this week, agony, in fact in many of the circles of my life, but especially in the SSD Law Enforcement family . I started today with prayers with Chaplaincy friends that included many tears, and much sorrow for those who are hurting because of tragic decisions . The ripple effect from the negative is overwhelming , if that is all we choose to feel and focus on. But…. But, just like in the tragic loss of Dean, I can’t stay in that place. I am sad, but working hard to be a good Mom, daughter, friend, advisor and servant to my Savior. Trusting. Otherwise , I can’t even get up.
Today, exhausted, I came home to curl up in my bed after work. And then, God sent the Pheasant. Yes, the pheasant… An upland game bird, A rooster, in my backyard. He hung around for a long time eating grapes. Making “that” sound. Oh, how Dean loved the pheasants, quail and critters here in the Country. I just had to laugh . So, I lit an Autumn candle, and went out to pick some pomegranates . I even found a lovely lady bug who was very friendly. I enjoyed the fall breeze .
and , I reflected on this verse :
“And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. “. — Philippians 4:7
Peace… Because I was, and am loved in a spectacular fashion.
You, and me both. That’s amazing, Blessed Be a <3
Sweet dreams, friends. Much love — LJ